Assessing Your Food Choices Through Child, Adult, and Parent Lenses

Have you ever been doing great with your eating plan until a vacation, holiday, or unexpected food opportunity comes along?

Suddenly, there’s a debate in your head about what you should do.

Transactional Analysis, developed in the 1960s by psychiatrist Eric Berne, explains that each of us operates from three inner ego states: the Parent, the Adult, and the Child. Recognizing which one is leading the conversation can help you make healthier, more confident choices.

The Three Voices Inside You

1. The Inner Child: The Child is emotional, impulsive, and focused on immediate gratification. For many people, this voice shows up around food because childhood memories often involve treats, for example, ice cream on summer evenings, special foods on holidays, or local specialties on vacation. 

One client I worked with realized her urge to look at the area’s treats on vacation wasn’t about hunger at all. It was tied to family traditions from her childhood, when special trips always included food rewards. If she and her siblings were “good” they got a treat. Once she recognized that connection, she was able to separate the emotional pull from the food itself.

You may notice your own Inner Child when you hear thoughts like: “I’ve been so good, I deserve this.”, or “It’s not fair that everyone else gets to have dessert.” Some people can do this and get back on track, while others cannot. In the past, when my client’s inner voices went unchecked, it derailed her progress quickly.

2. The Inner Parent: The Parent voice is shaped by rules, expectations, and judgments, and the messages we picked up from authority figures or created for ourselves. Sometimes it’s the Critical Parent, barking orders like: “Don’t eat that. You’re going to blow it.” Other times it’s the Nurturing Parent, but in a way that is too permissive: “You’ve worked hard. You deserve it. It’s just one.”

Both extremes can set you up for failure. When the Critical Parent is too harsh, the Child often rebels, leading to “cheat days” that spiral out of control. And when the overly soft Parent rationalizes every indulgence, you never build the consistency needed to support your health goals.

3. The Adult: The Adult is your voice of reason, the calm, present, decision-maker. Unlike the Parent or Child, the Adult isn’t driven by emotions or rigid rules. Instead, it considers the big picture: your long-term health, your goals, and how you want to feel tomorrow.

The Adult might think: “I notice my Child wants to celebrate with food, and my Parent wants to restrict me, but I choose to honor my health with a different kind of treat—maybe a walk in the sunshine, a special outing, or a non-food splurge like listening to music or a new book.”

My client’s Adult stepped in once she identified the root of her craving. She realized she didn’t need food to make vacation memories. Instead, she could celebrate with experiences that supported her health, not undermined it.

Identifying Your Voice

Next time you’re tempted, pause and ask if your thoughts and feelings are. If you are feeing emotional and impulsive, it is likely your Inner Child at play. If you are feeling judgmental find yourself feeling like your want to restrict your behavior, or have worked really hard and deserve a food treat, it’s probably your Inner Parent. If you have thought things through, are feeling balanced and acting in alignment with your goals, you are where you want to be as an Adult.

This quick check-in helps you notice which voice is in charge. The more often you practice, the easier it becomes to strengthen the Adult voice and make empowered decisions.

Understanding your voices can help change your food decisions from a tug-of-war into a conscious choice. By noticing when your Child wants comfort or when your Parent gets too strict, you create space for the Adult to lead. Following your plan and staying consistent is the highest form of self-care.

Berne, E. (1964). Games People Play: The Psychology of Human Relationships. New York: Grove Press. 

Sue Brown, RN, MS, MPA, NBC-HWC is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach who specializes in working with midlife leaders who struggle with their weight. She's worked in a variety of clinical and leadership positions over the years, but it was first after losing and maintaining a 120 lb weight loss that she found her calling as a coach.

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